Addiction is a family disease, everyone plays a role and is affected by the addiction, whether you’re a parent, child, spouse, sibling or even a close friend. Families often go through overwhelming emotions related to their loved one’s addiction including guilt, hopelessness, anger, frustration and helplessness.
Here are the 3 C’s to addiction recovery that are critical for families to understand.
The 3 C’s to Addiction Recovery are:
- “You didn’t Cause it”
- “You can’t Cure it”
- “You can’t Control it”
We’ve added a fourth C. Families Contribute to addiction being maintained, or they insist on their alcoholic or addict getting help. Unfortunately, it’s either one or the other. There is no middle ground here.
Families play a role in addiction. This is an undeniable fact. Your family can either play a healthy role that supports recovery, or a dysfunctional one that enables active addiction.
Families play a role in addiction. This is an undeniable fact.
Your family can either play a healthy role that supports recovery, or a dysfunctional one that enables active addiction.
There’s no compromise. We sincerely hope you will find the bravery and determination to address family dynamics. If you do, you can play a pivotal role that helps get your loved one the help they need – and keeps them in recovery.
To learn more about co-dependent enabling click here. There’s also a fifth C: Care. Taking care of yourself will role model good recovery behaviour for your addicted loved one.
I had a close friend who was having a hard time and we sent him to Changes. Admission staff was polite, friendly and professional. The counsellors were very well trained and professional.
★★★★★Came out of Changes Rehab on Tuesday. Best decision I could have ever made. After looking at other rehabs, this was my choice. The whole experience and program were top class. Extremely professional team.
★★★★★I was fortunate to be a patient at Changes for 90 days. I did treatment at the primary and secondary facility and it really changed my life! I am forever grateful for the help I received.
★★★★★Thank you to everyone at Changes who helped my daughter through this difficult time. They not only helped her but kept in constant contact with me, updating me on her progress and checking up on how I was doing.
★★★★★Safe, confidential and thorough treatment helped me through a very difficult period in my life. Changes provided me with tools and skills to manage my illness and introduced me to a supportive network of people.
★★★★★On the 7th February 2007, I found a place that cared as much for me and my recovery as I possibly do today. I met with Sheryl and completely removed all the masks I had worn for years.
★★★★★Changes changed my life. Thank you all! The support and care I received during my time there were incredible. I couldn't have done it without the amazing team at Changes. I am forever grateful.
★★★★★I came to Changes a complete wreck. Didn’t want to do anything about my drug addiction. I fought the system for as long as I could but eventually my mind was changed about what I had to do.
★★★★★Dropped our loved one in the safe hands of Changes Northcliff 2 years ago. We are forever grateful for the transformation we have experienced. The facility is receptive and staff are professional and compassionate.
★★★★★My nephew has been battling drug addiction for years and was isolating. Since he went to Changes Rehab, he is no longer isolating. He engages with us and has been sober. We got one of our own back.
★★★★★I cannot thank Changes enough for all the support, help and encouragement they have given my son. From primary to secondary to the halfway house, he has been treated with respect and care throughout.
★★★★★I was done with life and reached out to rehab centers. Within 5 minutes, Changes called back, confirmed my medical aid authorisation, and after a week of being admitted I finally felt hope.
★★★★★The Five C’s for Families of Addicts and Alcoholics
1. You didn’t CAUSE your loved one’s addiction
One of the most important facts a family member or close friend has to realise is that they did not cause the addiction. Many family members, especially parents of adult children with addiction, tend to blame themselves for their loved one’s addiction. This is both untrue and unhelpful.
Sometimes the addicted person will also blame certain family members for their problematic drinking or drug use. This is a tactic called ‘deflection’ which addicts and alcoholics use to abdicate taking responsibility for their problems. Family members are easy to blame and often take this accusation on as fact. It is important to remember the addict suffering in active addiction will go to any lengths to protect their using or drinking.
Addiction is a brain disease that is caused by a multitude of factors including genetics, environmental factors, past experiences and mental health. Only about 1 in 10 people who experiment recreationally with drugs end up developing an addiction.
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2. You can’t CONTROL your loved one’s addiction
Now that it is established that you didn’t cause your loved one’s addiction, it may be easier to accept that you cannot control the addiction either.
Many family members don’t realise that addiction is a brain disease and therefore believe that is possible for their addicted loved one to summon the willpower needed to quit using or drinking if they really tried. Your addicted loved one is sick not weak or bad and a person’s willpower is crippled in the face of an addiction.
No matter how much you support or love your addicted family member, you are unable to control how much they use or how far down the ladder of addiction they will climb. Your loved one needs professional help from someone who is qualified and experienced in treating substance abuse problems and who recognises that addiction is a brain disease. Changes alcohol detox and drug rehabilitation centres offer high-quality addiction treatment with a strong professional team.
3. You can’t CURE your loved one’s addiction
Realising you can’t control your loved one’s addiction, and that you didn’t cause it, might give you a measure of relief. Now it’s important to know that, even with professional help, you can’t cure addiction. Addiction is a brain disease that is chronic, meaning it will be there for the rest of your loved one’s life.
It is critical that you have realistic expectations of your loved one when they return from addiction treatment. They will not be cured. They might still behave in problematic ways because it takes a long time for people to heal and change thoughts and behaviours that have become natural to them over time.
Changes Addiction Rehabilitation Centres will give your loved one the tools they need to avoid a relapse and stay in recovery as well as to start to change their behaviour. But your loved one will need to continue to work and actively try to change each and every day to keep their addiction at bay.
4. You can CONTRIBUTE to their relapse or their recovery
While you didn’t cause their addiction, you can’t control it and you can’t cure it, you CAN contribute to the problem or the solution. Families of addicts are often co-dependent with the addict and struggle to set boundaries. However, it is important to change the way you behave in order to help or hinder your loved one.
We support families in creating an atmosphere that fosters recovery and motivates their loved ones to seek assistance. Changes Addiction Rehabilitation Centres assist families to identify the dysfunctional roles they play and the enabling behaviours that go along with them.
Leveraging the patient into addiction treatment requires developing sound bottom lines. For instance, if the addicted person keeps using drugs, family members might have to decline financial support, withhold emotional support, or even think about evicting the person. Families can show that they are serious about the need for change by outlining these boundaries explicitly and enforcing the consequences.
Boundaries will show your loved one that you care but that you will no longer be manipulated by them. If you continue to allow yourselves to be manipulated, it sends a message to your loved one that there are no consequences for their bad behaviour making it easier for them to return to active addiction.
Strong boundaries will help your loved one stay on track and invest in their recovery.
5. Don’t forget to take CARE of yourself
Setting boundaries can be incredibly difficult, especially if you aren’t used to it. A good addiction treatment centre will host family support groups, or will at least connect you to 12-step fellowships that cater for loved ones of addicts. Living with an addict can be extremely difficult and it is important that you take care of yourself, not only your loved one – even if they demand all of your attention.
Support groups will teach you how to put yourself first and set boundaries with your addicted loved one so that you are able to devote time to taking care of yourself. This will have a knock-on effect on the addict who will realise that he or she needs to take responsibility for him or herself instead of always expecting others to do so for them.
Click here to find out more about Changes Joburg family support groups as well as other independent support groups for loved ones of addicts.
Now you know why you didn’t cause your loved one’s addiction and you can’t control or cure it, but you can contribute to their recovery or their relapse. Most importantly, now you know that it is critical to take care of yourself and your own needs and that this will end up helping your loved one too.
To learn more about 3 C’s to addiction recovery for families, call us now at 081-444-7000. Are you looking for professional help from an addiction treatment centre for your loved one suffering from an addiction to drugs or alcohol? Contact us today.
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